Invasion of the Hair Raisers

In the middle part of the 20th Century, there was great worry about the possiblity of invasion from Mars and/or Venus. The Governments spent time and resources studying the problem. Would Mars launch an all-out attack, or or just a series of clandestine operations to gain control and enslave the Human race? Women of Earth worried that Venus would kidnap all the handsome men, leaving only the geeks and nerds for them to choose from.

But while all eyes had been turned in apprehension to our nearist planetary neighbors, little did we know of the horror that awaited.

How could we have known that...

As more and more radio and television signals beamed out into space, alien societies took notice. On the cold, wet giant, Neptunians had never even known about HAIR, all creatures on the planet being bald. But that all changed when a haircare product commercial, featuring the driving sound of The American Breed's hit single Bend Me, Shape Me invaded their television airwaves. They soon felt shame for the naked pates. Jealousy grew in the hearts of the Children of the Neptune, and unable to grow their own hair, set out to cover their blank noggins with luxurious locks stolen from the scalps of innocent earthlings

Yes, Bend Me, Shape Me, so innocently used in hair product commercials would in fact become an anthem of doom; the clarion call of Armageddon.

Neptunians swarmed the planet, arriving in saucers and carrying specially designed ray guns that would remove the enitire head of hair from a victim and transmit it to the aliens skull. Hair raising, indeed!

It had looked pretty grim for Earth -- no defense had been established to prevent such an attack. But as doom had been summoned via Television so was salvation! Through the efforts of a top secret agency, a special television program KOJAK was developed, and beamed directly at the alien's recievers. Through the scientifically designed "coolness" of the bald detective, played by hair challenged actor Telly Savalas, the alien invaders grew to believe that baldness was now where it was at, and no longer felt the need to cover their craniums. They returned to their ships and left the planet. They did take all the Tootsie Pops, however.

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